The Power of Our Emotions

The latest lesson Garrett and I have learned in this journey is the power that our emotions have on our babies. Even though we do our best not to show it, if we are worried and anxious our kids sense it and they too begin to feel uneasy. Simply, I believe that we cannot fool our kids; they are a lot more aware than we realize.

Sawyer taught us this lesson clearly this past month. His Wubanub (pacifier with a stuffed animal attached) broke one night during bedtime. He has had a Wubbunub since he came home from the NICU and although my boys never took on a love for the “paci” as much as I begged them to, they have continued to sleep with them. When the Wubanub broke Sawyer started crying intensely, clearly upset. Honestly, I had never noticed how much he loved his little fox Wubanub, partly because I do have twins and there’s a lot of little details that go unnoticed in this season of life.

Garrett and I did everything we could to find a replacement. We went to every store in Anchorage that could have possibly carried the pacifier. We purchased four other Wubanubs that had different animals attached, but Sawyer STILL wanted his red fox.

During the couple of days that we didn’t have the fox Sawyer would refuse to lay down in his crib. He would remain standing, crying in the corner determined to stay awake. Clearly, he was very upset.

At this point I should probably add that sleep has been a MAJOR theme in our lives since we brought our twins home. We have gone through many obstacles, but for the last year the boys have put themselves to sleep on their own and have slept the entire night without waking unless of course they are sick or are having an allergic reaction.

To make a long story short, Sawyer created a habit in a matter of three nights. He would stand crying for 25 minutes until I couldn’t bear it anymore and I would go pick him up and let him fall asleep in my arms, feeling distraught that I had let him cry as much as I had. Again, sleep has been ROUGH in our home and we were fearful of falling into old patterns.

After a new fox Wubanub arrived Sawyer was thrilled, and we thought that would be the end. We thought he would go back to laying down happily. Unfortunately, it was NOT that simple, and Sawyer continued to stand.

Garrett and I decided to stay in the room with the boys the following couple of nights to see if he would forget about the standing and move on. In all honesty we decided to try this because I couldn’t bear the crying. In my gut I knew that I was probably making it worse, but I went against it anyway.

The first night went great. The second night it took longer for the boys to fall asleep. That night Sawyer woke up in the middle of the night. We couldn’t believe it; after a year of sleeping independently he was back to waking up at night. Still we decided to try one more day in the room with the boys, again trying to avoid the crying that would otherwise ensue.

After the third night it was obvious that we were moving backwards. I still can’t believe that they reverted so quickly to what they used to do but they were, and we couldn’t go back to that. Our boys were two and they were not going to start waking up at night again. So, we went back to our typical routine knowing that eventually he would give in and lay himself down.

Sawyer did this for exactly 20 days from the first day the Wubanub broke. He would stand in his crib for up to 45 minutes straight sometimes. Not moving from the exact same corner. Not sitting once. Crying out mama and falling asleep standing. We would have to go in to lay him down and wait in a corner of the room to make sure he was still asleep. We did this night after night, nap after nap.

Those three weeks were a torture for me. I felt drained, I felt anxious, I dreaded anytime I was going to put them down. I was full of fear that it would happen again. I would ask myself if I was doing the right thing, if I was failing him. I was in disbelief of his persistence.

I began to research. To my surprise there were several people who had experienced the same thing. I came across a sleep specialist that had experienced this with her daughter. She said the only thing she thought made a difference was staying calm and knowing her daughter was fine and reassuring her that she was.

As Garrett and I read we knew what we had to do. We were dreading bedtime all day and Sawyer was clearly perceiving it. That next night I felt conviction in what we were doing. I knew Sawyer was fine. He was his happy, smiley, good natured self and he was just expressing his emotions the only way he knew how. When we set the boys in their cribs I started cheering as Grayson laid and then I asked Sawyer if he could lay too. He didn’t. So, I started cheering Grayson on again! I literally jumped and danced all around the room while singing an actual CHEER from high school. I asked again and this time Sawyer did it. Garrett and I went crazy cheering and clapping and singing. We did this several more times. When we left the room, he stood in his usual corner. We headed downstairs and turned on the monitor and to our surprise Sawyer was laying down.

He never did it again!

This situation sent a message to me, loud and clear: how I feel matters. Even when I thought they couldn’t see it, they still could sense it. Sawyer was not receiving the right message from me and until I changed it and realized it myself, he continued doing the same thing.

Kids are attuned to our emotions. It is important that we ourselves are conscious about what we are feeling and how we are reacting. I want to make sure I am being logical and that I am responding versus reacting; I want to be conscious of the message I am sending. Motherhood is full of many emotions and some of them are irrational. We often forget about ourselves while tending to our babies, but if you are going through a challenging season, I hope you remember to check in with yourself. Sometimes that can be the most valuable element!