Motherhood is The Most Humbling Experience

Traveling is one of my favorite things to do. Garrett and I have always made it a priority. We promised ourselves before we started trying for a baby that we would continue to travel the way we always have. Obviously, we never imagined we were going to have twins.

Having twins truly changes EVERYTHING. Having twins forces you to realize that you don’t have as much control in life as you may think.

This has been hard for Garrett and me to accept. We are both determined and set in the things we want and the way we want to live our lives and for the most part we have been able to accomplish it. In this journey through motherhood I have had to learn to relinquish control, to forget expectations, to release judgement, and to let go and just be present in the moment. This is why I often think realize that motherhood is the most humbling experience.

Over the last two years we have taken Grayson and Sawyer to Hawaii twice and to California once. Each time we traveled with family. They helped us lug the INSANE amount of luggage and figure out how to fold and store our stroller while holding ALL the things and two screaming babies while boarding the plane. Traveling has gotten progressively better but each time there has been moments when we feel like we are in complete chaos.

Garrett and I like control. We don’t like chaos. We plan, we strategize, and we like to find an orderly flow. That flow goes out the window when you travel with babies. If anything, it teaches you how often we judge how things “should be” and how much we expect of life.

Grayson and Sawyer have forced us to let go of judgement and expectations. In those moments of traveling they have forced us to come face to face with ourselves and to realize that we were wrong. Babies are unpredictable and no matter how much you plan and strategize you can’t help that your babies are feeling terrible because you’re unaware that your breast milk is full of allergens, that they have a terrible cold because they are preemies and catch anything in sight; you can’t help their crying and the fact that nothing soothes them, and you can’t help the awful feeling when flight attendants are passing out ear plugs to all the passengers around because it has been an hour and the crying hasn’t resided. Again, motherhood is the MOST humbling experience.

In these moments you also experience humanity at its best. How kind people can be, like when the “keep your seat belt” sign was on and the flight attendants let Garrett and I walk up and down the aisles holding our screaming babies. Or how two separate veteran mothers encouraged me by telling me “it’s alright honey, you are doing fine.” Or how a father said to Garrett “hearing your babies forced me to look at the pictures of my kids, it goes by too quickly.” I am forever grateful to these strangers. They have taught me so much about grace.

Of course, there are the people with the annoyed looks, or grunts, and panicked faces; but for the most part it’s the other way around. When Garrett asked me if I wanted to meet him in California after his work trip, I decided to go for it. I thought to myself, it is never going to be easy and it will be worth it.

We planned the trip as best as we could. I strategized the way I like to, but I also had faith and an understanding that these tiny little humans have a soul of their own. I knew that I had little control and that I couldn’t expect much from my two-year-olds. I mostly vowed to give myself grace and to remember that this would be a moment in time and how I handled the situation would affect the way Grayson and Sawyer felt. I vowed to meet my babies where they were at in the moment and from there adjust whatever I needed to and focus on just that.

From the moment I passed security I was met with the same kindness I had experienced in the past. People allowed me to board first. The flight attendants carried all my bags to my seat while I folded the stroller. The woman behind me in line watched the boys as I folded the stroller and stored it in the travel bag. The flight attendants helped guide the boys to our seats and I was able to get them settled. I was asked multiple times if there was anything I needed. The woman in the aisle next to us picked up anything that Grayson dropped down the aisle and the man sitting in front of Sawyer never looked back when he would accidentally kick his seat or tried putting the tray down.

The boys slept three of the five hours. Grayson cried for a good twenty minutes because he was uncomfortable and kept falling off his seat. This time around though I didn’t stress; I didn’t feel out of control. I just soothed my babies, did what I could, and prayed that we would make it there safely, and we did. The flight was a win in my book and totally worth it for our first solo family vacation.

In these moments I realize how much motherhood has humbled me thus far. How it continues to crack me open and forces me to be a better version of myself. Some experiences are difficult, but I have found that if you are open to it you learn that we often worry about the wrong things. Our babies, and the experiences that only they can provide for us are invaluable. Motherhood is by far my most humbling experience and I couldn’t be more grateful.