The Toughest Part of Having Twins

Often, I am asked “what is the most challenging part of having twins?”

When you have twins, you are bombarded with questions everywhere you go. People are interested in twins and the differences between having singletons and multiples. To be honest it is difficult for a person who hasn’t had twins to understand how it is even if you try to explain it. Like many things in life, you must live the experience to fully understand it.

My boys are two and a half right now, so I am still new to being a mama. As of right now though in my situation I feel that the MOST challenging part of having twins, NICU babies specifically who were born seven weeks early, is illness and the fact that there’s only one of me and two of them.

Since November my boys have been sick. They move from one thing to the next and usually it turns into something more complicated than just the common virus or cold. It has been difficult to write a blog post during the past months because my every minute has been occupied tending to my babies. The past three winters have been this way since the boys were born. From November to March we are caught in an endless cycle of being sick.

Sawyer and Grayson spent six weeks in the NICU and before we left it was drilled into us that illness would be the biggest threat to their lives, especially in the first years but up until age five. Knowing this information changes everything. As a mother you do whatever is necessary to keep your children healthy.

The boys are not in daycare. They are only around their two little cousins in regard to young children and we are very cautious about where we take them and try to avoid being around others who are sick. Still every winter we are caught in this cycle and what a common cold is to everyone else becomes something different for Grayson and Sawyer.

The last two winters they have gotten croup; an infection of the upper airway. This started on Christmas Eve this year. The cough is so severe that they cannot sleep, and it has resulted in wheezing because they are not receiving enough oxygen to their lungs.

For us this means, that we have two very sick babies, that look pale, with purple lips, and little appetite; they lose weight, and the only thing that soothes them is me. We administer medication and breathing treatments while hoping that it doesn’t turn into asthma. By no means am I complaining; Garrett and I feel extremely blessed about the health of our boys and we know others have it much tougher but that doesn’t change the fact that it is taxing on us.

The MOST difficult part for me is the guilt that I cannot tend to both at the same time. In the middle of the night when they are both screaming for me and cannot understand that the other needs me. All they see is that I’m giving my attention to their brother. Sawyer cannot understand that Grayson is worse, that he can’t breathe right, that he needs me to hold him up. During these times my heart aches and having twins takes a toll on me.

They typically get sick at the same time and although I have help and people who are willing to drop everything to be with me, the boys just want me. As the weeks pass and we continue in this cycle I feel myself wearing down. I know that they are okay and that I am doing my best, but it still affects me. It is during these times that I often find myself thinking…this is the HARDEST part of having twins; the part that nobody can understand. There is only one of me and two of them.

Having twins sometimes can feel isolating. It is just a different experience and one that most people don’t live. During these times though I have learned that I need to do certain things to be the best mama I can be. First and foremost is sleep. I have learned that trying to get enough sleep is most important and truly that’s what helps me the most. Getting out of the house even if it’s for a ten-minute walk can be very helpful and ultimately recognizing when to ask for help. Sometimes that is a text to my husband, and he leaves work and comes home and other times it is a call to my parents, and they come and cook for the boys and spend times with them so that I can have some moments where I am not alone and have some minutes to myself. It is important as mothers to take care of ourselves. It doesn’t have to be a lot of time or extravagant, but in order to stay calm and patient it is important to take a little breather.

Asking for help is not my strong suit and it takes a lot for me to ask for it but since having twins I really haven’t had a choice. There are moments when I know that I need help and I reach out. As time passes you learn that asking for help is necessary and that experiencing this parenting adventure with others along side you is more rewarding and enjoyable for both you and your children.

So the next time your babies are sick, whether you are a mama of multiples or a mama of singleton I hope you take a little time to take care of yourself. Forget about your phone, the house, or the TV and sleep. Let go of whatever is holding you back from asking for help and make the call. You will quickly realize that is worth it! Everyone in your family will benefit, because let’s face it – If you are not well then nobody else in your family will be either!